Tuesday, September 13, 2011

does anyone know where to buy a switchblade?

I've had a glass of wine. 

Ok, two glasses of wine, and one of those I refilled a little part way through.

So, I'm feeling a bit like chatting.  My wine glass miraculously appeared on the bathtub ledge tonight.  I think it's because I can now levitate objects and float them to me.  My husband also appeared in the bathroom at my bidding.  NASA may want to study me.

I had a nice chat while in the tub about my run tonight.  It may have gone something like this:

Me:  I was running at McFarland Park tonight.

Him:  hmmmmm

Me:  I had this great mix of Josh Groban and Bob Marley on my ipod and I was running through the woods and it was wonderful.  I thought someone may have been sneaking up on me so I looked behind me but I was alone.  Well, except for a man walking two golden retreivers.

I bet he wanted to kill me. 

Him:  Or perhaps he was walking his dogs.

Me:  I am still alive.  That proves that not only is he a rabid murderer, but he is very thoughtful and is thoughtfully planning my long, painful demise.  Maybe I should run with a knife.

Him:  You would accidentally stab yourself in the leg and then he would catch you.

Me:  You know me too well.  I should run with mace.  I will mace that golden retreiver walking maniac next time I see him.

Friday, September 9, 2011


I ran 19 miles.  That is not the point of this blog.  You just need to understand that when I am done running 19 miles that I am very, very tired.  And I don't smell good.  I think if you stood beside me after that it would make you throw up a little.  Bathing becomes very important.  The first thing I do when I get home besides drink water is to wash the sweat off of me.  I had an experience with my husband this weekend that went a little like this.

Me: (set the scene:  in my basement bathtub) (picked up cell phone - call husband):  I'd like to order a pizza for delivery.

Husband:  You just ran 19 miles and you can't slow down to walk past the fridge and grab the left over pizza on your way downstairs?

Me:  The plate would be too heavy.  I am very tired.

Him:  You can run for over three hours and you can't carry a plate?

Me:  Yes, I am not worthy of you.  Could you deliver a pizza to me?

Him:  Yes.

Me:  Is it too much to ask if you would warm it up.  Not in the microwave, but in the oven, so it will taste yummy.

Him:  Sure thing.

This is what he delivered to me.

Me:  um, peaches and fruit dip?

Him:  yogurt, not fruit dip.

Me:  I ordered a pizza.

Him:  This is better for you.

Me:  I thought about pizza the entire last hour of my run.

Him:  I don't want you to be crabby today so I thought you should eat something good for you.

Me:  I am crabby because I didn't get a pizza.

Him:  I'll bring you pizza.

Me:  Do you mind warming it up in the oven.

Him:  Sure thing.

15 minutes later.

Me:  um, this is not pizza.  WHAT is it?

Him:  It's a brei burrito.

Me:  A what?

Him:  A brei burrito.

Me:  I can hear.  I don't understand.

Him:  A log of brei, rolled in croissant dough, with raspberry chipotle sauce.

Me:  Wouldn't it have been less work to heat up my pizza?  Didn't you say you'd get me pizza?

Him:  Well I want you to be happy.

Me:  Pizza makes me happy.

Him:  Brei is good.  If you are still hungry after you eat it, you can have pizza.  Plus, cheese has calcium.

Me:  There is cheese on pizza.

Him:  Here, I'll cut it in half.  You can eat your half?

Me:  Now, I get half a brei?

Him:  I like to share with you.